Annual Letter to All My Friends and Family

Dear Loved Ones,

I hope this letter finds both of you healthy or happy. You know you can’t have it all. I’ll be sending out one less letter this year. As you may recall, Grandma got run over by a reindeer. I don’t know why I ever sent her a letter anyway. She refused to wear her glasses. Said they made her look old. I had to read the letter to her every year. Well, that’s one less stamp I’ll have to buy.

grandma

This year has really flown by. I can’t believe it’s been 365 days already. Seems like only 349. I guess that could be due to all those afternoon naps. Sometimes it takes a long time to wake up from those. A fellow could lose a few days that way.

I got a letter from cousin Arliss last week. It didn’t make a lick of sense, until I noticed it was written in 2009. He always was a little slow. Never was my favorite cousin. I think I’ll wait five years and send him this letter. That’ll learn him.

The little girl down the block got a Hippopotamus for Christmas. The neighbors are furious. Damn thing has eaten every green thing from here to the highway and destroyed everybody’s lawns. Not to mention what it’s left behind in their swimming pools. I think there’s a petition going around to have that family removed from town. I don’t believe they thought this situation through very carefully.

hippo

I’m thinking about screening in the back porch for use during the summer when mosquitoes are so bad. Guess I better build a back porch first. Just a thought.

Aunt Addy called and said she got her two front teeth for Christmas. More like she found them after the cat knocked them off the bathroom sink and they ended up under her dresser. Said she was glad to have them back in time for Christmas dinner. Not that Aunt Addy ever missed many meals.

addy

Regina says howdy. I don’t ever send her one of these letters, since she already knows all this stuff. I wish this letter had more information about the whole year, but at my age, sometimes I don’t remember yesterday , let alone twelve months ago. My New Year’s resolution is to write stuff down all year long, so I can include it in next year’s letter. So, stay tuned ’cause next year’s letter could be a real doozy.

Your favorite (fill in the blank),

Bear

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13 Responses to Annual Letter to All My Friends and Family

  1. shutterpug says:

    Thanks for starting my day with a laugh!

  2. hwherbs says:

    As Larry the Cable Guy says, “I don’t care who ya are, that’s funny right there.”

  3. Doobster418 says:

    What a great annual letter. Always good to catch up your family and friends.

  4. I have an elderly friend in awful health, who used to be in radio advertising. I insist each year he write me a letter no matter how bad his year is. They are the funniest things I have ever read because he has the driest sense of humor I have ever known. Humor is a great healer (for writer and reader), especially with clean language. As far as windy letters about a friend’s in-law’s great aunt’s dog dental cleaning, I just skip those parts.

  5. Aunt Beulah says:

    Laugh aloud funny. And so close to the truth. You made my day with this post; I have an Aunt Addy. Troy, your comment about the winter solstice on my last blog (12-23) captured what I am trying to say in a newspaper column I’m working on; would you mind if I quoted it in the column? I would credit wakingofthebear. Please say yes.

    • Of course you can use my comment, and thanks for the compliment. Tell your Aunt Addy that I meant no disrespect, it was just a name I plucked out of the air. Thanks for stopping by.

      • Aunt Beulah says:

        Aunt Addy wouldn’t be offended by the use of her name nor her personna; she might be surprised that someone with her name also had trouble keeping track of her teeth. Thanks for letting me use your well written words.

  6. Ellen says:

    Please no more Christmas letter blogs! I didn’t have any and now after 2 blogs I have 2 of them. The second one is single spaced, small font and fills up almost both sides of the letter paper. I still haven’t finished it. Also both of my letters were HAND DELIVERED no stamps for these folks! Stop the Madness!

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